ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
