There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
