I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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