Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
