my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
