saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
