Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
