im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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