I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
