Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
