I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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