i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
