When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
