He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
