Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
