I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
