So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Randomize
