Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
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