And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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