nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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