i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
