woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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