The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.