Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.