Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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