A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
