at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
