I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
