my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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