im holly from the hills drunk
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I have aggressive nipples.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
