Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
