Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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