I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
