this just has baby written all over it
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Green mimosas i think yes
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
