His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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