Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
