i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
