mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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