There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
