I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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