I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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