I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment