Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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