some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I puked off the balcony.
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.