it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.