apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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