The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
