Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
