i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
