i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
