Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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