If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
