Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
