dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
