It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
