Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
