my vag is so smooth its legendary
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
