He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
