Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize