He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
