you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
