Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
