I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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