Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i came on her dog
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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