If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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