my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
