well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
