You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
When are your genitals available?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
