I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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