Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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