shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
