And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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