you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
