who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
