this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
